January 2010
22 posts
The Man With the Blue Guitar
Wallace Stevens XXXII Throw away the lights, the definitions, And say of what you see in the dark.
That it is this or that it is that, But do not use the rotted names.
How should you walk in that space and know Nothing of the madness of space,
Nothing of its jocular procreations? Throw the lights away. Nothing must stand
Between you and the shapes you take When the crust of shape has been...
over years we remain static
all she talks about is you to me and it could be because she has nothing else to say, but maybe it is because you are both in love
when you rise in the morning-time i wonder if it is she who you think of, even when you wake beside me. so each time you go i know that i ought to fade out your inconstant voice.
and when the lights go out, most nights, i know it is her you lay with in the dark...
i miss a boy in new york and he is not even mine...
your eyes make silent promises, the kinds that your stillness withholds, and i don’t need to be your lover if you confess you will take me nowhere. instead you stick to your wit and keep me guessing your glances you steal my exhales and so under my breath i have taken the score i act to ensure our probability while you act to keep me in awe and by doing so it is unfortunate that you always...
back to our battlegrounds
sometimes i see dark eyed boys and i try not to miss you anymore we always agree to disagree but you will never walk away maybe this year we will memorize how to cast our eyes in the other direction, or even better, hopefully you just won’t feel the need to use me like before.
learning moment // teaching moment
if i learned anything last year (directly from experience), it would be what they have been trying to tell me since i was a whimsical wild child of age 3: it is all fun and games until … . [insert unfavorable happening here] so somebody always gets hurt then, huh?
a window to walk away in. →
keep on clicking. keep on clicking. keep on clicking.
"i felt your shape."
on your birthday in the kitchen my grip was loose my eyes were open i felt your shape and heard you breathing i felt the rise and fall of your chest
i felt your fall your winter snows your gusty blow your lava flow i felt it all your starry night your lack of light with limp arms I can feel most of you. i hung around your neck independently and my loss was overwhelmed by this new depth i...
Primal matters
the summer before i left for college you wrote me letters and letters addressed from different mountains in new hampshire. when we were in love the air felt unbroken and its contrast with the moon seemed less vulgar and indelicate. conceivably, as we were parting i made you come off a lot worse than you were because i needed my reasons to leave you. but in between, until the beginning of the...
YOU CAN'T JUST HAVE ME SOMETIMES.
it is really hard and awful but you can’t anymore.
Some say you are egotistical, but i find you...
she said that at some point within the last six years you had lost your humility.
with words, i try to expound on the sense of affection in your glance, but their definitions come loose, unable to sufficiently capture our subtle significance.
these recent snowy days, when your presence devolves to absence, i attempt to avoid feeling unreal to you but can not fathom what i mean to you so for...
no complaints of calmness
i recollect images of the first time we spoke. fox lane high school cafeteria, is that not romantic? i was sitting with my friend, and when he walked away from the table i watched you follow him to the doorway where to me it seemed you confessed a secret. but after he informed me that you just wanted to know my name. to you i was some girl with crumbs on her t-shirt and eventually i fell...
The Melancholy Summer of Madame de Breyves
If she loved Monsieur de Laléande for his good looks or his intelligence, one could seek to find a more intelligent or better-looking young man to divert her attention. If it were his benevolence or his love for her that attached her to him, someone else could try to love her more faithfully … He has had no chance to show her whether he is tender or brutal, neglectful or faithful. It is...
And you would only give me some of you and never...
I realized you had feelings for me when I started dating someone last Winter 2008. A sophomore in college, I arrived home for Thanksgiving break and every single evening you came over with your wit and desires in hand. You would sing me songs, teach me chords, and it always felt innocent when you crawled beneath my bed sheets.
Although you have a girlfriend, all you returned were bitter...
Previously
They talk about your cake, about you having it and eating it. What if I don’t mind? We kissed again. We drank a lot because we knew it was a bad idea. If I knew it meant you wouldn’t come by as often as you used to, I would have settled for our tension. I would not have come over alone so late that night. At least I would like to think that. Am I the girl that I have once felt...
Empty handed
Speaking of which, I used to think my ex-boyfriend and I had something uncommon and unreal, but I see things much clearer now. Since that night in February when we came back from Boston and I was sobbing, things fell silent between us including our restlessness. I remember that evening vividly as the night when the Providence sky, once picturesque, fell dim over our heads as we stood arguing. ...
true or false?
1. if you are not married then you are fair game.
2. you determine your own fragility.
3. he will never leave her.
i won't tell a soul except the people in the...
you turned my car around for me because i complained that your driveway was intimidating. you showed me the new guitar pedals you received for christmas and spoke of artists and fame. you mapped out the plans designed for your new amplifier while i mapped out the path to your bedroom. maybe i was being selfish that night, but we lay serene under blankets and warm between secrets and i swore you...
Entering the new year.
Tonight is the perfect night to curl up under a fuzzy blanket and watch Michael Cera movies, and that is what I plan to do.
Fickle & Illusive. 2 adjectives I will grow out of (or at least convince bystanders that I have).
I spent two Christmases with him and I will never forget his middle name. Not because it is Darwin or because he was the first boy i had adored and who desired me back,...